I Am Not Myself These Days

Let’s be real, depression is no fucking joke. Depression doesn’t play. Depression doesn’t tease you that it’s going to be okay and then plunges you deeper into it. It just drags you deeper into it. It skips the teasing all together. It makes you feel worthless, like a waste of flesh, and like a waste…

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[PROGRESS] Scale Tales #5

Belated happy 4th to all of my American readers! The holiday was yesterday, full of BBQ, potato salad, adult beverages, and fireworks. Our neighbor seemed bound and determined to set our house on fire with roman candles. Thanks, dude. But let’s get to it with this edition of Scale Tales! Lex’s Losses Well lookie there!…

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Tracker_6_12_13As one of my favorite YouTubers CGP Grey says “Hello Internet!” only it’s me, Lex Chase with this edition of Scale Tales and various updates on the Status of Good Ship Bitter Little Pearl.


Lex’s Gains (Rut-roh Shaggy!)

Last Wednesday, I gained 0.8 of a pound after all was said and done with my emergency colonoscopy which I talked about over yonder here! I was expecting to lose buckets of weight for obvious reasons that are obvious, and nope. Wasn’t gunna happen. I know what I did though. I ate stuff that I really shouldn’t have. Like chicken fingers and potato wedges from Publix the morning before prep time, and it had just been a downhill slide afterwards.

I haven’t tracked points, I haven’t measured anything, I haven’t worn my ActiveLink, and I haven’t gone to the gym in the last two weeks. I know I did it, and I did it to myself, but I can’t dwell on it but can only work on getting better.

The good news in all of this is I weighed myself this morning just to check-in where I was at and the scale is finally moving in the right direction. There’s about a two-pound difference between my scale and the one at the Weight Watchers center, so I trust theirs over mine. As long as I stay on track this week, I’ll be celebrating my tiny victory.

Lex Is Getting Better With SuperBetter!

Let’s talk a minute about this freaking awesome app and site my brother discovered via a TedTalk. The short version is Jane McGonigal, a video game designer, posed the question of how do we get gamers to tackle real world problems in making the world a better place. So, Jane made games that inspire gamers to go out in their lives and be better people. When she had suffered a concussion that left her depressed and bedridden, she created SuperBetter to encourage herself and others to improve their lives.

SuperBetter is unlike My Fitness Pal or other weight loss sites or apps. With SuperBetter you create your own goal of whatever you want from coping with depression, losing weight, or even finishing a novel, or even going out with friends for an afternoon when you really don’t want to. It’s a very easy to use interface, and like a game (that doesn’t require any hand-eye coordination LOL!) you go on Quests (like something as simple as drinking a glass of water), you fight bad guys with really creative names (like battling self-doubt), and you get Epic Wins when you make a goal. You even have a superhero secret identity! How cool is that!

SuperBetter makes it simple to gain your Epic Wins by inspiring goals you can do in 24 hours, 30 minutes, or even 5 seconds. Every little moment goes a long way.

Regrettably, there isn’t an Android App yet, but there is one for iPhone. I don’t mind using the site for now though. But for anyone struggling to get a goal I recommend it. If you need a superhero ally to help out you can find me under Kratos Obsidian!

State of Bitter Little Pearl

Instead of beating myself up on how far behind I’ve gotten with maintaining Bitter Little Pearl, I realize I had a pretty damned good excuse. I also know I need to be kinder to myself. I don’t do so hot when I feel like people are depending on me and I can’t deliver. A promise is a promise, you know? Over on my writing blog, Lexchase.com, I regularly interview other writers, and because of my procedure, it was put on hold for a bit despite having a full plate. When I mentioned what was up to my fellow authors at Dreamspinner Press, the resounding comment is “You need to take care of you! It’ll be here when you get back!” My peers at DSP continue to blow me away with how generous and understanding they are. I’m constantly thankful for being with such a wonderful company.

Tomorrow, since it’s Recipe Day, I’m determined to get the German Chocolate Cupcake recipe posted. Seriously, trust me, they will change your life. For all the diabetics out there, this one is a pretty big deal and I hope you enjoy it. From then on, it’s back into the swing of things. I hesitated on posting a standing schedule for public knowledge even if I have one in my Google Calendar. I was trying to see if I could stick with it before I went public with it. So far so good.

That’s All For Now! See ya next time for a new edition of Scale Tales!

Metformin PillsAugh. Metformin. The bane of many everywhere. A common pill for diabetics, but also used to treat polycystic ovarian syndrome. I was originally put on Metformin to treat the latter. Little did we know at the time until my fateful blood test we were treating the former too.

The Dreaded Side Effects

For those that don’t have sugar problems, Metformin commonly makes users nauseated, plagued with upset stomachs, even vomiting until the effects even out over months. Those with a sugar problem? There’s nothing amiss.

As dumb luck (or not so dumb luck) I don’t have any problems with the side effects.

But There’s Something Else

Due to a regular ongoing medical issue I have that’s just a fact of life I have to deal with, when it occurs my blood sugar plummets like a stone. I feel like I could faint. I’m get the shakes. I have no strength. My head throbs. I can even barely walk. I know enough I need to push sugar back into my system to even out.

But Sweets Are Not So Sweet

Ever since beginning Metformin, I don’t have an appetite to speak of. Also before Metformin I had an impossible sweet tooth. I’d eat five bites of a savory dinner, be stuffed, but then eat a whole cake and want more. My sweet tooth has been my perpetual downfall. My brain says I want cookies, candies, cakes, and super sweet coffee, but I take a bite or a sip and instantly regret it. I haven’t been to Starbucks in two months because I can’t even get halfway through their smallest size without feeling nauseated.

Back to the medical condition. Because I had an episode today, I made myself a peach and banana shake. It’s actually quite tasty. Kind of like an Orange Julius.

I’ve only drunk a quarter of a 20 ounce cup and now I can’t stand it anymore. But I know I need to drink it. So I’m choking it down with each new sip.

What’s The Solution?

I’m genuinely asking. How do you replenish much-needed blood sugar when you can no longer tolerate the taste of sweet things? What is there to eat that is possibly savory but with a high sugar content? Any suggestions? Because my stomach is gurgling from this shake.

The Maritime Park: Home of the Blue Wahoos and CALORIE BOMBS!

The Maritime Park: Home of the Blue Wahoos and CALORIE BOMBS!

And now, I’m going to take a moment to beat myself up. Bear with me.

My dad got tickets to tonight’s Blue Wahoos game a couple of weeks ago. The Blue Wahoos are our local baseball team, for those that have no idea what could have such a ridiculous name. I braced myself for it. I planned to totally have an awesome time and stay on plan. I looked up what are good choices to make for stadium food. I made my choices. Even put them in my tracker last night so I knew what to expect.

Right? I was awesome. I was stellar. I was being very good. My mom was very proud of me.

And Then I Ate Everything

I had already made plans I was going to have a hot dog at the ballpark. Because a hot dog at the stadium is goddamn delicious, am I right? I looked up the points, and the points for the toppings, and I was good.

And then there was a Dippin’ Dots vendor.

Dippin’ Dots is actually rather okay for Weight Watchers. I ate my hot dog, and then looked up on my app what kind of Dippin’ Dots I could have based on the flavors they had. Chose my flavor, off I went. The Dippin’ Dots, thankfully, were prepackaged into a serving size and were rather small. I actually didn’t decide to get some until I saw people walking by with the little baggies. Had Dippin’ Dots. Survived.

And then Dad bought a bucket of popcorn.

For those of you not in the know, popcorn doesn’t seem that bad. Popcorn is actually recommended when it’s reduced fat and air popped, like Orville Redenbacher brand. Stadium popcorn is a whole other thing. Cooked in oil, slathered in salt and butter. It’s a bomb in disguise. And I don’t even like popcorn.

I ate four fistfuls. Didn’t look at my tracker because I knew I blew it then.

And then the mascots were throwing hot dogs into the crowd. And the guy one row behind me caught it. It turns out he just wanted to catch something but didn’t want it. The guy behind him didn’t want it either. I said I’d take it. I noticed it was smaller than the other hot dog I had, and I didn’t go get condiments for it.

And I ate it.

Eating from Boredom

I know what you’re saying, it’s impossible to be bored at a baseball game. But you would be very surprised. I brought nothing to keep my hands busy because I petrified from getting clocked with a foul ball and being distracted. I could have written at least three or four chapters of my work-in-progress Switchblade Symphony in my Moleskine notebook if I just brought it.

I walked around a bit. Got a blanket from the car because it was effin’ cold. And bought two bottles of water and chugged them. I had drunk three bottles of water during the game.

I know for me when I keep busy, I don’t crave anything. I’m not hungry. And that’s good. When I sit and stare at things, like the TV or a ballgame moving at a glacial pace, I get snacky. I need to get my ass up and move.

Boredom Solution

The other day, I was having an “eating due to boredom” day, and I recognized it for what it was. Instead of keeping at it, I got dressed and headed to the gym. An hour and a half later, my cravings vaporized.

Going to make yourself busy is the key. There’s a lot of interesting things to see at the Maritime Park. When you sit, you see lots of people eating around you, and suddenly you want what they have.  I wanted a snow cone, but that was vetoed due to Mom’s awesome logic that I don’t have the tolerance for sweets like I used to. She didn’t want me to spend six bucks, eat three bites, and feel sick. She had a point.

The Good News

The good news is my ass is going back to the gym tomorrow. And the next time I’m at a ballgame, I need to walk around before dozing off and getting hungry at a slow baseball game.