At The Movies with Lex Chase: 10 Cloverfield Lane

Credit: Comicbook.com
Credit: Comicbook.com

Aaaah. 10 Cloverfield Lane. I was pumped. As often as I invoke the name of Saint. J.J. Abrams, my expectations were in the stratosphere.

Seriously. My own author bio that appears in every one of my books states I unapologetically loved the ending of Lost. Even five years after the show ended, I still talk about it.

But back to Cloverfield. Or should I say 10 Cloverfield Lane. We all know the original Cloverfield was J.J.’s over-hyped love letter to giant monster movies. A found footage monstrosity, and while the intention was pure, the execution was a mess. As you can see, I have no love for that film.

The two films are only similar in name, and I was okay with this! Bring on the mind fuckery and big questions about humanity and morality. Annnnnndddd….

I seem to have watched a vastly different film than the rest of the Internet did.

Saint J.J….

Kitten_Betrayed_My_Tiny_Trust
Let’s break down the A to B of it. Actually let’s consult the trailer…

There. That? That? That is literally the movie in one minute and 43 seconds. Even if you haven’t seen any fan speculation, you know what “The Twist” is without having to dig in the depths of Tumblr or Reddit to find it. You know. And even if you don’t think you do, trust me you do. And I didn’t even say anything.

10 Cloverfield Lane was defined as a Mystery/Thriller. And like all good mysteries, the audience loves seeing these clues unfold with the heroes. The audience is smart, and likes to be in on the game too. Even if they don’t guess the mystery, they love seeing how they missed it, and they think you’re clever and played fair, and they’ll play again.

This movie doesn’t play fair. It cheats. It presents information in such an obscure form, and expects you to make assumptions. But it withholds information on purpose not meant as red herrings but to flat out confuse. I wasn’t inquisitive. I was frustrated. Now, I love complicated open-ended questions. I might have co-written such a story with Bru Baker about a surprising metaphysical meet-cute about two dead guys haunting an affordable minimalist home furnishings store for all eternity. *plugityplug!*

But with 10 Cloverfield Lane, there wasn’t any open-ended questions because no one knew the questions to ask. When the answer is “The questions and answers are what you want them to be!” that’s a cop out. Don’t make me spend $20+ bucks to make me sit through something that’s a bunch of people talking about nothing in particular.

What would make this film better?

Put this guy in the Doomsday bunker.

Credit: ABC
Credit: ABC

#SHUTUPANDTAKEMYMONEY

#HowManyTimesCanLexMentionLost?

Credit: Tumblr
Credit: Tumblr

At the end of the day, 10 Cloverfield Lane was just okay. And downright boring at times. There were some truly amazing moments. The first 15 minutes doesn’t have a single word of dialogue and is brilliant. The rest…just…what happened here? But let’s give J.J. a break. He had his hands a bit full revitalizing Star Wars for a whole new generation.

Credit: Fanpop
Credit: Fanpop

All the while he filmed 10 Cloverfield Lane in secret. Uuuuuh. Probably not the best idea. J.J. is a brilliant storyteller. But dude has a habit using his creative magic for nefarious deeds. He didn’t need a second set of eyes, he needed 20. 30! 100!

Credit: CW
Credit: CW

#NotThat100

#IShouldSeeSomeone

#ThisIsn’tHealthy

Credit: Tumblr
Credit: Tumblr

In conclusion, I’ll leave you with the famous thoughts of a certain doctor from another recently revived movie franchise.

Credit: Imgur
Credit: Imgur

Credit: Imgur
Credit: Imgur

In two weeks, I’ll be vomiting my feelings about Batman v. Superman: Dawn of Justice. Because the final Divergent film, Allegiant, is releasing this week and here’s my bonus review:

grumpy-cat-no
Credit: Imgur

As always, I’m Lex Chase and see you next time!

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