Today, I am the Sound and the Fury. And this is a good thing. Let me explain.
Yesterday, after weigh-in (one pound down! Hurray!), I had an appointment that’s five hours round trip. Like. Guh. I could drive to Atlanta in that time. It started well enough. Upbeat. Happy. Good appointment.
I also decided to have a cheat day. And while we are all entitled to our cheat days, me on the other hand? Oh. No.
After being super good at avoiding Starbucks, I had one of those molten chocolate latte things special for Valentine’s weekend. It was so much sugar shock, I couldn’t finish it. Blech! Then I got a burger and fries. I have such a love of fast food french fries like you just don’t know. But they are a rare, rare, rare thing in my life. It was like eating pure salt. And it was like my tongue was shriveling in my head.
The good news is I have no desire to eat those things in any form, and even in a healthy adaptation, for a long time. Never at this moment sounds delightful.
So, soon as I walk in the door, boom hello mood crash from all the crap I ate. I don’t even know how the subject got going, but C.S. Poe and I were doing our usual texting about anything and everything, and I all of a sudden turn into the oh woe is me self-depreciating, utterly disappointed in myself, angry self-loathing about my weight. And no matter what I do, I continue down the spiral.
I go to bed. This morning did not fare much better. The self-loathing continued. I had a Scale Tales post half-written this morning about negative self-talk. Only it was…um…rather negative. I had an appointment, went off, did my appointment, got plenty of food for thought, and at C.S.’s encouragement, I had planned to go to the gym.
I didn’t want to go. I hated the idea of going. And I was even in my gym clothes. I sat in my car for an hour reading my email and catching up on Some Assembly Required reviews (Yes. I read them. Even the bad ones. #NotAshamed) And I said “Goddammit. Let’s get this over with. I’ll feel better. I just don’t at the moment.”
Pulling out of the parking space, dreading the gym, I say, “You know what. Fuck the gym. The mall is right across the street. I’m going to go walk the mall!”
The second I pull into the mall parking lot, I feel 6,000 times better! And I pop in my earbuds, cue Amazon Music on my phone, and get to steppin’. In an hour, after walking from the farthest space in the lot, doing a lap around the entire outside of the mall, and then a lap around the entire inside, I clocked 3.5 miles in an hour.
I get home, and filled with flames of fury and determination to get shit done. And so, here I am. The Sound and the Fury.
We’ve all been there. All of us. Even those of us that don’t have issues with weight. For me, I go through stages. Anguish and self-disappointment, negative self-talk, crying, fear, hating everything, resisting help, arguing, and then I hit that anger phase where I tell myself “What the fuck is your problem? You are not doing yourself any favors doing this. Do something!”
It sounds counter-intuitive, but I like anger. Well, certain kinds of anger. (You know, not the kind where you hurt others. That’s not cool.) The anger where I get so pissed at my situation, I get off my ass and do something about it. And once I do something, I am unstoppable. I’m confident, my filter is shot, and I have no time for nonsense.
You need this.
You need to get angry. Is there something you hate about yourself? Something you utterly loathe? Something that you sit and bellyache about but just keep letting it go? What’s stopping you? We all have excuses. Solve one excuse and then find another. And we keep making them. We always make them. We make them for any reason we want.
But the primary reason is we make an excuse is for things we find particularly unpleasant. Like. The gym. Or even the dentist (who I see tomorrow. Ugh!) Or even doing the freaking dishes. It is that simple.
We also make excuses for our behavior. We all have bad traits. I cuss like a sailor. “Fuck,” while not a necessary word, is a very versatile word.
So, what are you excusing in your behavior? What is the one thing you let slide yet wish you didn’t?
Ever since Oprah became the new spokesperson for Weight Watchers, she has a very uplifting message where she says “If not now, when?” It’s a lovely message.
But here’s my own uplifting spin:
Be the Sound and the Fury.
Show the world the badass you are. It’s not about getting knocked down twenty times, it’s about getting up the twenty-first. You are still alive.
Get up. Get angry.
And now to soften my lovely pep talk, about some giveaway winners yeah? Hells yes!
Congrats tooooo…. Lili Mateo! You are now the lucky winner of a $5 USD Dreamspinner Gift Certificate!